I've been having flashbacks about the past. Reminiscence.

I look back at all my photo albums and began shedding tears.
Up till now, I still don't know what went wrong and how or why did I ended up in this state.

I know friends come and go, always, but no matter how hard I try, I still can't accept it.
Why does it have to be this way? Why can't friends just remain the stay throughout? Why did they have to leave? I hate saying goodbyes even though it might be for a short period of time or forever. I hate seeing people leave me, one by one. Whenever someone leaves, I have to act like it isn't a big deal even though it's breaking my heart. Each time I want to tell them to stay and not leave me, I get tongue-tied but the truth is, deep down inside my heart, I'm screaming, yelling and begging for that person to not leave. Much to my dismay, they got totally no idea how it feels like for me to see them leave, one by one.

It's pretty funny how someone gets so close to you with a bonded friendship/relationship can end up being strangers. Don't you think so? They can simply walk pass you without utter a single word, not even a "hi". They would act as if you're invisible or you don't even exist. However, seeing that person would remind me of everything that we once had together. How is it even possible for them to put down all the wonderful memories and act as if nothing has ever happened before? I hate being strangers with people whom I was once so close with. Right now, we don't even contact each other. I know there are reasons behind leaving. It could be because of argument/quarrels or etc.

The next damn thing I hate is the other party having a girlfriend/boyfriend and ended up ignoring you even though you were close friends before the couple even got together. To worsen the way things are, they only get back to you when they've broke up or they're simply bored. What. The. Fuck. Is. This. Shit. Supposed. To. Mean? Why can't they treat their close friends the same even though he/she got a girlfriend/boyfriend? This seriously gets on my nerves. I'm not a fucking substitute for him/her and neither do I want to be a second option.

It's also pretty funny how close friends become strangers and no matter how hard you try to amend things and make things the same as before, it never seems to work out. It's awkward and whatsoever. Is there seriously no way, no solutions to let things between us be the same as before? Damn, I really wish there's some ways and solutions to this..

I used to be pampered by brothers and sisters but now what? I'm all alone. There's nobody whom I can turn to whenever I'm feeling down and etc. You can say that I'm a spoilt brat or I'm an attention-seeker but hell, I don't care. I mean like, who the hell wouldn't want to gain a little attention from someone whom they care or something? Who the hell wouldn't want to be an apple of someone's eye? I used to be surrounded by their care and concerns however, all of them, every single one of them, have left me and I'm left alone. When they care too much, I get annoyed and irritated. I guess, that's because I took them for granted. *sighs* Right now, whenever I yearn for their care and concern, they are no longer here for me. It's as though they are gone with the wind..

To be frank, I've been feeling like there's nobody whom I can really trust. There's no one whom truly understands all the shits that I've been through. In fact, I've been bottling up everything inside me. I never tell anyone what's wrong or whatever I'm feeling. I keep it all inside me and never reveal or voice it out to anybody. Really, even if I were to tell anyone about it, nobody would understand so what's the point? Might as well just keep everything to myself until I seriously can't take it anymore and start to breakdown. I'm all by myself. Why is it so hard to find someone who will truly understand you and someone whom you can wholeheartedly trust without any fears lingering? I'm sick and tired of all this shits but let me tell you, I will never forget what we once had together, never. It'll be etched at the bottom of my heart, truly. So please, even though we might be acting like strangers now, don't forget me..

P/S: If anyone of you ever reads this, don't question me.
I'm simply just venting whatever I've kept inside my heart.