Stress.

I'm so fucking stress and screwed up.
I cried last night while revising for Geography.

I even banged the table, screamed and shouted at Mummy for disturbing me.
While doing my Geography notes, my printer was spoilt and I couldn't print out the notes that I've done using Microsoft words.
I felt a mixture of feelings; fear and stress.
I couldn't stand it and broke down.
I complaint and Mummy started scolding me for always doing my things last minute.

Eventually, I lost control of myself and I banged the table, screamed and shouted at Mummy.
I'm sorry, Mummy. I never meant to shout and scream at you, really.
I continued crying the whole night till my old printer is fixed and Daddy bought the ink for me.
While fixing the old printer, Daddy lost his temper.
I don't know why he lost his temper.
Even though he wasn't scolding me, I cried again.
I quickly read through my Geography notes after I've printed them out.
Then, I went to sleep after reading 3 chapters of Geography.

I planned to read the remaining 4 chapters in the morning.
I fell asleep soon after I lied down on my bed.

In the middle of the night, I woke up and started crying again.
I've no idea why. I just woke up naturally and cried.
Just in time, Mummy and Daddy came over my room to check on me and found out that I was crying and showing my temper by kicking my blanket all over.
I've never done anything like this before.
Neither did I felt so stress and scared until I broke down so terribly.
There was once when I broke down for a short while because of Maths but this time, it was worse than before.
I cried the whole midnight until my eyes were sore and red.
It was then when I finally fell asleep again.
I know Daddy and Mummy are very worried about me but I couldn't help it.
I can't control my feelings. I've lost my confidence.
I don't know how to cope with it. I don't know how to cope with this much stress.

I'm so fucking lost, seriously.
As for today, after school, I reached home.
Mummy talked to me on the phone and I started crying again.
She told me to relax and calm down.
And that, if I still continue to be very stress, I will not be able to concentrate.
Up till now, while typing this blog post, I'm still crying.
I can't control my tears from falling.

I'm afraid of setting my targets high because I'm afraid I will face disappointments if things doesn't go well.
I don't want to face disappointments. I'm scared, very scared of facing disappointments.
I keep thinking, "what if...? what if...?".
There're lots of "what ifs" in my mind.
I really want to do well in all my subjects for this End of Year Examinations.
How do I make myself feel less stress so that I can concentrate better?
How do I make myself have confidence again?
Seriously, what should I do?

Someone, please help me, really.
I don't want to drown in my own fears and stress.
I don't want to fall and get back up on my feet again.
I want to get back up on my feet and,

Do well for my End of Year Examinations.